Nights Like These
by goldistic
Summary: They've been battling their demons, dealing with their regrets, but now it's time for them to come together again. (Fourth and last chapter up! The word count is almost 7k and also, get your tissues...)
1. bitter memories

**A/N: **Hey guys, I haven't really wrote anything in awhile, and so when I got this little idea in my head, I went with it. It's pretty poetic, a bit depressing, but I might add on a little to it from Gabby's POV. I hope you all like it!

I don't own Chicago Fire or its characters.

* * *

_Nights Like These_

_Matt &amp; Gabby_

* * *

Matt lay awake in emptiness, the sound of harsh wind battling against the exterior of his building the only thing keeping him company. He listens to it in sadness, knowing it was a reminder that winter was making its way into Chicago once again. He turns his head towards his alarm clock, finding it to read 1:03am. He sighs, thankful he has the day free of shift and of construction jobs. He crawls out of bed then, rubbing his eyes and exhaling heavily, knowing sleep wasn't going to come anytime soon, and walks out of his room.

He can hear Severide in his room, laughing silently with April as he makes his way into the kitchen. The floor was chilly under his bare feet, but that was the least of his worries. He walks to the fridge, barely able to see the picture that still hung by a magnet in the darkness. God, he missed her so much.

On most nights, since she left, he's been able to lull himself to sleep by the memory of her voice. The way she rambled when something made her nervous or when she was just too excited to tell him something and had to get it out quickly. The way she laughed in between words when sharing something she found to be funny, or the way she would instinctively touch his arm or face or neck when they lay in bed together, talking quietly and sharing feelings of intense love with each other.

As he stares at the picture of them, remembering the joy they found in each other even in the midst of a Chicago winter, he hears another blast of air outside blowing snow across the city. And he knows, somewhere in the wind, his laugh is still interwoven with hers.

He finally opens the fridge, bringing light into the room, and gets a bottle of gatorade before making the room dark again. The noise is loud against the silent kitchen as he opens his drink and tosses the cap on the counter. However, the cool and refreshing flavor isn't enough to make him stop thinking of her.

He remembers the days when they want on walks throughout the city, and the way her eyes shined in the sunlight. When he first met her, and saw her smile, he was caught between wanting to dart away and stay exactly where he was. When they kissed, he remembers how it felt like she was marking him out for something bigger. He loved that feeling like nothing else.

He remembers whispering her name under his breath in the middle of the night, and her doing the same to his name. It was comforting to both of them. He wishes he could have it back.

He remembers their first official date, and he remembers how the butterflies did not dance in his stomach, but how they ran. He remembers gazing into her eyes in the middle of their meal, and not knowing if they were the reason why he was breathing or if he was just drowning in them.

He knows now that it was a combination of both.

He remembers the way she danced and sang to a song. The way her hips moved and the way she strut over to him, throwing her arms around his neck, making him dance as well. He sucked at dancing, but neither of them cared. He remembers the way she loved being twirled and dipped. He can still hear her favorite song playing through their old radio in the bedroom.

He remembers the way they kissed, the way he felt the whole world fade to black whenever their lips met. There was nothing else like it. He can still hear her heartbeat in the silence, and the way it beat just for him. He misses that more than anything.

He remembers the winter two years ago, when he was injured, and how it seemed like the world was crumbling down around him. But she became his spine, his feet, his eyes, his wings…

She became all of him, but he had let it go. He had let it go with nothing more than a hole in the wall and a few nights with a woman he'd hoped help him get over everything. It was fun, but it was not worth the pain he made Gabby feel because of it.

He can only imagine that the way she speaks, the way she laughs, the way she kisses, the way she smiles, is making somebody else fall in love with her. He suddenly feels an intense pain at the thought of it.

He puts the gatorade bottle down on the counter, just now realizing he had drank the whole thing, too lost in his thoughts to even bother taking a breath. A door opens, and he turns to see Kelly stepping out of his room, wearing old CFD sweatpants and nothing more.

"What the hell you doing up, Case?"

* * *

One day, two years later, he sees her again. He had been offered a promotion, and he took it. He hadn't seen her since his promotion party that 51 threw for him.

But now, in the dim light that Molly's offered, he noticed her glowing. She was still pulling him in. It's as if nothing has changed.

"Hey, looks like this guy isn't too good for us after all!" Herrmann's voice is barely enough to cause his eyes to dart away from Gabby's figure.

He had seen the guys of 51 a lot, but not nearly as much as he used to. Granted, he had moved to a different firehouse, but Molly's was no longer a place he went to on every free night.

He talked to Otis and Cruz and Mouch and Boden, but after a couple of hours, he knew he needed to talk to Gabby. He just needed to hear her voice.

As he walks towards her, he remembers the way things used to be. The way their fingers battled, the way her lips attacked his neck, how every breath of his sounded like her name, the way they stared up at the sky on dark nights and asked each other questions about the universe.

As he walks towards her, she smiles, and he realizes that his heart still beats for her, and how it always will.


	2. familiar feelings

**A/N: **Hey guys, I know it's been quite a while since I've posted the first part of this, but I was going through my docs and found it again. You may want to go back and refresh your memory because it's been so long and I've decided to add another part! Yay, right? Depending on my feedback, I'm planning on adding two more parts after this. The first part of this chapter is a little weak in my eyes, but I think it gets stronger as it goes on.

I don't own Chicago Fire or its characters.

* * *

_Matt &amp; Gabby_

_Familiar Feelings_

* * *

When she sees him walk into Molly's, her breath hitches in her throat. She wants to look at him forever and flee at the same time. When their eyes meet, something in her burns up and she remembers how it felt to be in his arms.

Herrmann calls out for him and his eyes are pulled away from her, so she tries to keep up her conversation with Capp. He's talking about something stupid, something about a lizard he saw the other day, and so she can't help but let her mind wander to thoughts of the man she hadn't seen in two years.

She remembers the late nights with him, when his hands ran through her hair as she whispered secrets into his ear as if they were sweet nothings.

She remembers going for jogs with him, and loving the way the wind swept his blond hair. She remembers staring into his ocean-blue eyes, being held in his arms, and feeling like nothing else mattered.

She remembers holding his worn hands through everything. Through his mother's hearing, Hallie's death, Heather's sentencing, and so, so much more. He had always been there, as had she. Before they dated, they had been friends. Best friends. And she misses the feeling of going to him for anything. Everything.

She remembers opening her door to find him on the other side, and she remembers the first time their lips met, and she remembers how it felt like the universe stopped for a second to remember it all for eternity.

She remembers nights slipping away with him as they rambled for hours, talking about nonsense, but nonsense that meant the world to her just because she was with him.

She remembers lying in the grass at two in the morning, pointing out their favorite constellations with him and noticing how well her head fit on his shoulder.

She remembers kissing him and feeling alive in a way she never had before. She remembers how their fingers tangled, how it felt to have his lips on her neck, and how her heart screamed for him. She knows even now that it still does, and it always will.

She remembers his smile, and thinking how it must be a magnet of some sort. She remembers hearing him laugh and thinking that it must be heaven.

She remembers the nights when their feet were tangled, their hands roamed freely over each other's bodies, and how in love she felt.

She remembers the night he put a ring on her finger, and how she thought they would be together forever.

Then she remembers when things started to slip away from her, and how lost she felt.

She remembers walking out their door, she remembers the tears spilling down her cheeks, and she remembers how real the doubt felt.

She swallows, her thoughts not doing any good for her, and turns her attention back towards Capp.

He's now reminiscing about an iguana he had when he was a kid, she realizes quickly. She can't help but chuckle at the way his mind works.

"...you know what, I'll just go talk to somebody who actually cares," he states, shaking his head in annoyance before leaving her for Otis. She watches him go, and finds Brett, knowing she would do a better job of keeping her mind off of Casey.

They talk about her new relationship with a man she met while fixing his broken ankle, and as Brett tells Gabby about him, she's radiating. Gabby remembers how it feels to be in love, and can't help but look over at the bar where Casey laughed contagiously with Boden. She feels her heart flutter at the sound.

"Hey, Gabby," Brett calls, noticing the divided attention of her friend. She follows her gaze, and her innocent blue eyes widen at the sight. "Holy crap, is that Casey?"

"Yes," is all Gabby can say, and she says it so quietly, so nervously, that Brett barely heard her.

"And you guys haven't seen each other since his..."

"Right."

Suddenly, he's walking towards her, and Brett walks away. She had always rooted for the two.

In the last two years, he hadn't changed. Maybe his hair has darkened slightly with his age and perhaps the stress of his new job, but he was still him, Gabby realized, and she can't help but smile.

"Hello, _Captain_," She greets, turning her body towards him fully. He smiles at her and she doesn't know why she's suddenly so nervous.

"It's been too long, Gabby," he says in reply, shaking his head. Despite his sad voice, he was still smiling at the sight of her. God, she was so beautiful.

They wrap their arms around each other, and they hold each other as if they'll never feel the other's touch again. Even the air is intoxicating in their embrace. He isn't sure if it's her vanilla perfume or the scent of strawberries in her hair or the stardust from her eyes, but he knows that's it's all because of her.

When they reluctantly pull away, they fall into an easy conversation. Their words are smooth but their hearts are beating violently in their chests. She'll never understand how he can make her feel this way. Or how many of her memories have faded, except for the ones he's a part of. How the sunlight reminds her of his smile and how nothing can sound as beautiful as his laugh.

She'll never understand, especially after their time apart, but she knows she wouldn't have it any other way.

They've taken a seat at an empty booth and she has to force her eyes to look at his face, not his fingers making dances around his beer bottle. She remembers the feel of his fingers all too well, but she doesn't want her mind to go there. It's been two years with very minimal contact with him. Nothing more than small talk through text messages and wishing each other their best on holidays.

They can't help but feel that the blame should be put on their night together after his party. Neither knew how to handle it, so they drifted. She wishes everyday she had made more of an effort. So does he.

His eyes fall to her lips several times during their conversations. She had always been too caught up in a story to realize it, and he was thankful for the fact. Her lips were electric, he remembers. He still feels the taste of sparks on his own even after all this time. She continues to flow through his veins. She has since the moment he met her, all those years ago. He loves it and hates it all at once.

After many hours, they finally come across _that_ subject. The talk of their love life is somehow brought up, and they're both positive that the other can hear their heart beating in their chest. He says he's single. Her heart rate slows a bit, but his is still thumping loudly until she confirms the same thing. The dark cloud that had been hanging over them was suddenly lifted. Their hearts seemed to start beating as one once again.

He wonders how she's able to make everything so much more beautiful. How the darkness doesn't even seem so terrifying when she's around. How the thought of the future doesn't seem so frightening when he's with her. He finds himself drowning in her brown orbs more often than he'd ever admit. She created this world, he thinks.

He walks her home. She looks up at the sky and can't help but feel that the stars are shining more brightly tonight. He watches her and he knows for a fact that when this world fades to black, her smile will survive in the constellations.

There's a light breeze traveling through the air, and her hair dances as it passes by. She looks like a goddess, he thinks.

He says so. He says it so quietly, she almost asks for him to repeat himself. But she's positive she heard him correctly. Her heart flutters at his words and a blush rises to both of their faces. He didn't mean for it to be said, but he suddenly wasn't sorry that it was.

She stops walking and turns towards him. They're standing in front of a pastry shop and her smile is soft and small, but it's still so perfect to him. Neither would notice if the world was to collapse, too mesmerized with each other and regretting how absent they've been in their lives lately.

She realizes that while becoming lost in his enchanting blue eyes, she's also finding herself all over again. She knows that only he can work such magic. She knows that on nights like tonight, the stars shine just for them. Although magical, she knows that with him, she's the realest she's ever felt. She looks into his eyes, and finds a home. She looks into his eyes, and finds everything she's ever wanted.

He could stand there for the rest of eternity, staring at her beauty, and stay in this dream he's in. But he knows that living his life with her could be even brighter.

His fingers are suddenly tangled in her hair, their breaths mixing at 2am in the middle of Chicago, their hearts echoing. He had made his decision, although it was never difficult to make in his eyes. He had just finally acted upon it. And in this bubble they're in, they feel like even the moon is smiling. It may be the way her lips are moving with his or the way she whispers his name as if it has every meaning in the world, but he feels like this moment belongs in another universe. Their legs are buckling and as every second passes by with their lips together again, they feel like another light is appearing in the dark sky.

The sky is all theirs, but they're too entranced in each other, and notice none of it.

**So, thoughts? Happy writers write more often...**


	3. new promises

**A/N: Hello lovelies! Sorry this took kinda long, I changed it about a billion times before I was content with what I have. It's also kinda short, something I'm not really happy with, but it's all fluff. Enjoy it while it lasts...that's all I have to say. The next and final chapter isn't going to be anything like this. You've been warned. **

**I don't own Chicago Fire or its characters.**

* * *

_Matt &amp; Gabby_

_New Promises_

* * *

He's learning how to smile all over again, he thinks. She does that to him. She makes him feel things he would otherwise think are impossible. There are some days he feels as if all the light in the world will fade away. His time with Jack Nesbitt didn't leave him unscathed, and every once in awhile, he remembers everything he wishes he didn't. But she's the only one who notices. She takes his ash-stained palms, and he knows her own are scorched in their own ways. She understands. And all she has to do is hold his hands for him to know he can burn through the night.

Now that he thinks of it, he doesn't know a time where she hasn't been his rock. He knows he'll spend the rest of his life proving to her that he's thankful. He doesn't want it any other way. He wishes he hadn't been so arrogant before and realized it years ago.

He remembers how he told her when they dated a few years ago that they'd last forever. That they'd have kids who played hockey and that they'd be that annoying couple shouting with everything they had in the stands. That they'd get in petty fights when they're both seventy and hold a grudge on each other for a solid five minutes before their hands grabbed for each other again. That they'd have terrific grandchildren who they'd visit so much they'd become a nuisance. He talked about how they would take vacations every year, wherever she wanted to go. She made him promise in their dimly lit room, the Chicago wind wreaking havoc outside, their legs tangled and fingers tracing each others skin. He remembers every detail. And he especially remembers promising it all to her with everything he had.

He regrets nothing more than breaking that vow and throwing away the future he'd described. He wonders where they would be right now if she hadn't walked out that door.

But the thought doesn't drive him _completely _crazy. Because right now, he's more certain than ever that this is their time. That this is when it was all supposed to begin for them. He wishes that he had stopped her from walking out that door three and a half years ago, but he's just so goddamn grateful for what they have now that he knows he can't blame himself too much. But he knows for certain, if their conversation had gone down differently in Molly's a year ago and she hadn't said she was single, he'd be _really_ driving himself insane with 'what ifs'.

For instance, what if he had called the day or so after the night of his promotion party? The thought had been running through his mind ever since it happened up until they finally reunited. The night had been unplanned, and caught them both by surprise. They both knew they wouldn't be able to see each other as much, and when they realized they were the only two left at the bar waiting for a cab, they decided to take one for the both of them. Things escalated, and they hadn't recognized their need for each other until they _had _each other. If they were to tell someone it had been a "great night", they'd likely suspect they had great sex. Which, they did, but the night had also been full of laughter and reminisce. Neither was sure of the last time they had laughed that much. Their stomachs had been hurting because of it and tears were spilling down their cheeks shamelessly.

But despite their good night, when he woke up in the morning, she was gone and he began his never ending thoughts of calling her. But he didn't know what she wanted, he was confused and didn't want to push anything if she didn't feel the same. Of course, he wasn't aware that she had the same exact thoughts circling through her mind.

It would drive him crazy still if he wasn't looking at her now, drowning in her eyes, his heart beating solely for her, their hands entangled and holding onto each other as if it's the last time they'll see one another. Somehow, through it all, he became her shadow. Like the way the moon needs the sun, he needs her.

He's learning how to smile all over again. He knows it. And as they stare at each other in their new bed they had gotten three months ago, they know this time is it. They know they're committed to each other above everything else.

"What are you thinking about?," she mutters quietly, a smile on her face coming from just watching his. She loves and finds it absurd at the same time how in love he is with her. She also finds it absurd how everything has fallen into place for them in the past year since their night in the street, but she really wouldn't have it any other way. She's unarguably the most happy and content she's ever been.

He thinks about it, but doesn't know how to answer the simple question that fell from her lips. How does he explain his thoughts? How does he explain to her that he's lost unless she's in his arms? That he'll be by her side when everything else is gone? That she is his every hope, every breath, every reason, and every dream? That every choice he makes ends with her? That she is, without a single doubt, his whole entire life?

It's extremely terrifying and incredibly wonderful all at once how much she means to him.

Without her, he knows, peace would lose its definition. His heartbeats would sound hollow. Restlessness would find a whole new meaning in his soul. His life would never be the same.

He doesn't even want to begin imagining it.

"Marry me," he finally answers quietly, his smile widening, but still staying light and full of unconditional love. He'd been wanting to ask the question _again_ for some time now, but hadn't found the right moment. This, he knew, was the right moment. It was just them, in their new home, their potential at a high and the moon pouring light in on them through the window. It was as if it was shining just for them. To them, that's the way it felt. He knew she didn't need an extravagant proposal; they'd already done that. He didn't want to repeat himself, and the mood was perfect. "I want to do this right, Gabs," he continues softly, his hand reaching for the skin on her cheek. "And this time is going to be the last time. I'll stop at nothing to make this work for us. You are my everything, my reason for being. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine for as long as the world will let us. I want us to be together. Always."

She's nodding with tears in her eyes, something in his voice telling her that he'll grab stars for her without asking. She knows that with him, everything will be as it should be. A bright smile strikes both of their faces, making the moon look dull in comparison. Their lips meet and the sky is dancing above them. Neither know how their names got carved into each other's hearts, but they know it'll be that way for an eternity.

If this is how beautiful life is capable of being, they think, they can't think of anything better.

* * *

**Thoughts? Happy writers write more often...**


	4. excruciating heartache

**A/N: Sorry this took awhile, this final chapter is SUPER long (like it has over 6k words, more than every chapter combined and then some) so I hope you appreciate long updates. This was so sad to write, I really don't know why I do sad things like this but here we are...**

**The second and last and also dreaded flashback in this chapter is partly inspired by Criminal Minds. Season five, episode nine, titled "100" to be exact. (That is such a good show by the way, you guys should go watch it if you don't already. If you do watch it and you know what episode I'm talking about, you probably already know what you're in for.) The song is "Heaven" by the queen Beyonce, and all credits go to Spotify for me discovering it. I wasn't going to put a song in, but then that came on, and it was meant to be. I left some parts out because it gets super repetitive and I didn't know where to put it all. So yeah. **

**Also, a couple of warnings for this chapter, there is language used and be prepared for violence. **

**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the reviews I've gotten during this little story. I know it's short but it's meant to be short, plus I can't keep up a full, 50 chapter story. Maybe one day, but probably not anytime soon. Your support has meant a lot and pushed me to keep going, so thank you all, so much. **

**I hope you all have tissues handy. **

**I don't own Chicago Fire or its characters.**

* * *

_Matt &amp; Gabby_

_Excruciating Heartbreak_

* * *

_I fought for you_

_The hardest, it made me the strongest_

_So tell me your secrets_

_I just can't stand to see you leaving_

He catches himself imagining a perfect day, where they're walking by the water, and the sunlight is hitting her face in the way that he loves. He imagines her laugh filling his ears, and he imagines the small body in between them, holding both of their hands and jumping gleefully while another little body hung onto the back of his neck. He pictures her being radiant, and he loses his breath at just the image. Her voice travels through his head, but instead of smiling, his chest aches.

He knows the world must be suffering by not seeing all that she could have been. He's been suffering for the past five months, and he's expecting the pain to last the rest of his life. At night, his mind is swallowed by thoughts and memories of her. When he does manage to sleep, he's reminded by how he lost her and he's never seen nightmares so haunting.

They'd only been married for four years. Four short but breathtaking, unimaginable years. Even now, knowing the end result of it all, he wouldn't change a thing. The best time of his life was when he was with her. When they were together. When she was in his arms and everything seemed so simple.

"Hey, Casey," Otis called from beside him. He was inches away, but his voice seemed miles off, something that Matt realized had been happening quite a bit to him lately. He snapped out of his thoughts, and turned his attention towards Otis. He had transferred back to 51 not long before proposing, needing to be with his family again. The three years he was away seemed strange, and he realized his one true home was at 51. He took the Captain position and Gabby began chasing a new dream. She was officially a part of the arson squad by the time they were married and Matt was as proud as ever.

"What's up, Otis?," he asked, clearing his throat. Kelly stole a glance at him and frowned slightly, not missing the sadness in his friend's eyes. Herrmann caught it too, trading a somber look with the squad lieutenant.

Matt's moments of zoning out and fading into his own world was a common occurrence lately, they knew, and they wondered if it would ever let up any. Part of them knew it never would, that Matt's love for the girl was too damn strong and his character was too stubborn. The last time they saw a smile reach his eyes was the day before all went to hell.

* * *

_The noise at Molly's was nothing like a few years before, when the business almost died due to lack of profit. But now, the place was bumping with activity and sales were coming in hot. You had to yell just to talk to the person next to you, and Herrmann was in heaven. He scanned the bar to make sure nobody needed anything before throwing the dish towel over his shoulder and heading towards Matt and Gabby, who were laughing so hard he had to wonder what it was over. _

"_Alright," he began, placing his hands on the bar as he leaned over it, shaking his head at the two. "What's so funny over here, huh?"_

"_Okay," Gabby answered, enthusiastic to tell the story. Matt groaned but his smile was still wide as he buried his head in his hands. "So, big ol' tough Matthew Casey here and I went on a hike the other day, his idea, and it was like three hours away from here, I might add. It was going well until my knight in shining armour over here started screaming because he came across a snake. The thing-"_

"_It was a big snake, in my defense," he said, holding his hands up. Gabby shook her head as Herrmann chuckled at the two. _

"_No, it was a baby, no bigger than your foot." _

"_No it was not, and I know because I practically stepped on the damn thing."_

_Gabby rolled her eyes at him, but her grin still huge as she went on. "He started backtracking so fast he ran right into me, knocked both of us down, but luckily for him, I broke his fall. Hence," she rolled up her sleeve and showed Herrmann the nasty bruise and several scratches on her forearm. "This."_

"_Casey," Herrmann chuckled, looking at the injury. "I hope you've apologized every day since." _

"_Believe me, I have," he replies, nodding. "I took the girls out for dinner last night, and ya know, I've been doing other kinds of apologizing too." He wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulder as a blush rose to her cheeks._

"_Hey, let's keep our private lives private, shall we?," Herrmann suggests, shaking his head as he raises his hands. _

"_Oh, really Herrmann?," Matt chuckles, his eyes widening at the older man. "Do you really want me to bring up the time you made a cake to celebrate your vasectomy?" The couple started to laugh at the memory, bringing them all back to that night. _

"_Yeah.." Herrmann mused. "Not one of my greatest moments but hey, at least Cindy appreciated it." The couple continued to laugh and determined to change the subject, Herrmann branched out. "Speaking of things of that nature, when are you gonna give baby Shay a big brother?" He raised his eyebrow at the two, whose smiles changed from wide and contagious to small and telling. _

"_We weren't going to tell anybody just yet," Matt began. "Kelly is the only one who knows-"_

"_No way!" Herrmann suddenly yelled, slamming down his dish towel in excitement, causing the couple to jump. "No way!" Gabby nodded, her smile widening once again as Matt gave her a happy kiss on the cheek. "Oh man, I'm so frickin' happy for you guys. I can't wait to see another little Casey runnin' around." He reached across the bar and pulled them into a hug, the smiles on the three about as wide as anyone had ever been. _

* * *

Otis began rambling about the recent Cubs game, something Matt wasn't exactly interested in at the moment, so when his phone began vibrating, he was thankful. He clapped Otis' shoulder before walking away to answer the call, slightly worried when he saw it was Antonio.

"Hey, is everything alright?" Matt asked as he answered it, shutting the door behind him once he was in his office.

"Yeah no, everything is good," Antonio assured quickly. "But Laura is taking the kids tomorrow night and she offered to take Eliza, too. I was thinking we could go out and get a drink, catch up. We haven't really hung out in a while."

A drink sounded real good to Matt right now, as it has for the past five months. He knew he would probably be in some sort of downward spiral right now if it weren't for his daughter. He was determined to be the best father he could be, but saying things were tough without Gabby would be an understatement. He was constantly doubting himself, and always too exhausted to give 100%. He hated admitting it, but it was true. In losing Gabby, he lost a big chunk of himself, and being a single parent wasn't something he thought he'd ever have to do.

Every day, he thinks about what life would be like if he had managed to save her. A big part of his pain comes from his guilt from that day, and he can't seem to shake it. He probably never will. He relives that dreaded moment all the time, and it eats him up. Kelly's tried to talk to him, Boden's tried, nearly everyone has. He listens, he's polite about it, but nothing has ever helped. He's at the point where he's able to make it through the day, be a good father, do his job, but that dark cloud that hangs over him is constantly there and he knows it.

He imagines, if that day had never happened, that they would be just as happy. She would be glowing, her pregnancy belly showing, and he imagines that they'd have a boy. They'd be setting up their guest room as another nursery, he'd be painting the walls blue and she'd be complaining about the clutter of firetruck toys. She'd visit him at work on some days and surprise the guys with lunch, brightening their, and especially his, day. They'd go home together with Eliza Shay, named after Leslie, and they'd all settle in front of the TV watching some kid show. Gabby would be in Matt's arms, one hand resting under her belly. They'd be content, in love, and everything would be exactly as it should be.

_But Heaven couldn't wait for you_

_No Heaven couldn't wait for you_

_Heaven couldn't wait for you_

_No Heaven couldn't wait for you_

_So go on, go home_

Yeah, a drink sounded good right now. He confirms the plans with Antonio before hanging up, a deep sigh escaping his lips. He looked at the time and figured it was early enough to go to bed. He wasn't in the mood for socializing, especially with a group of guys who seemed to always be loud and cheerful. Alone time sounded good to him, so he took off his boots and climbed in bed.

A minute hadn't even passed before his mind drifted to more thoughts about _her _and he knew suddenly he would be getting little sleep tonight. And if he somehow managed to catch a few hours, she would find her way in anyway, whether dream or nightmare.

He looks at his wedding band, and his stomach tightens knowing she's not wearing hers. Instead, it sits on his dresser, right in front of a picture of the two of them on their wedding day. Kelly's suggested that he pack some of that stuff away in a safe place, somewhere where it won't bring him pain everytime he walks around a corner in their house. Matt had shut that idea down in a split second. Kelly understood. He knew his friend was only trying to not let go. He was pleading to hold on and begging to go back.

When Shay died, Kelly was in deep. So he definitely knew at least some of Matt's grief. But along with an intense feeling of anguish that Kelly could relate to, what he couldn't relate to was the intimate relationship Matt and Gabby had or the regret and guilt that Matt has clearly not been dealing with. He didn't really know how to help his friend, but he knew he'd die trying. After all they'd been through, he deserved it.

* * *

Somehow, Matt was able to get more than six hours of sleep. But when he did wake up, he woke with a start and headed towards the bathroom. He was in too much of a hurry to look at whoever was at the sink, instead he rushed towards a toilet and emptied his stomach. He groaned afterwards and buried his head in his hands, begging for the image of Gabby's lifeless body in his arms to be taken out of his mind. He looks down at his palms and swears that he can still see her blood caked on them. He looks at the floor but all he can see is her cold, paled face. Determined for it to stop, he stands up and walks towards the sink, splashing his face with cold water, hoping it may help.

"Eat some bad Chinese food?," Boden asks, the deep husky voice giving him away instantly from a few sinks down. Matt simply shakes his head, resting his palms on the cool counter. Boden knew it wasn't anything related to bad food or a flu, he knew it had something to do with Gabby, and his heart ached just looking at the younger blonde. "You know, Casey, my door is always open."

"I'm fine, Chief," Matt answers, a sharp tone taking hold of his voice. He turns the sink back on with a quick flick of his wrist and starts washing his hands, hoping Boden would take the action as a sign to leave him alone.

"No, you're not." He replies matter-of-factly, taking a few steps closer to Matt. "You're not fooling anybody. Everybody here can see it. And you're just pushing all of this pain down, not talking to anybody, when you need to be letting this stuff out, Matt." When he doesn't get a reply, he keeps talking. "Look, I understand your pain and your hesitancy to speak to someone-"

"You actually don't understand, Chief," Matt says with a scoff and shake of his head, his voice slowly rising as he turns his body towards the older man. "You still get to see your wife tuck in your child to bed every night. You get to go the freakin' park and hold hands and she surprises you with lunch and at the end of every night, she's with you, no matter what. You didn't hold her lifeless body in your arms, you didn't lose her, she's still here. So how could you possibly understand?"

"Alright, fine, wrong choice of words," Boden says, holding up his hands in defense as another scoff comes from Matt. Boden sighs deeply before figuring it was time for tough love. "What about Eliza, huh Casey? What about your daughter? Is she going to grow up with a father who can't deal with his pain and who never has enough energy to give her a hundred percent? She's going to ask about her mother when she's older and you need to be able to speak of her in joy and fondness, not pain and regret. You can't live this way forever. You'll be cheating yourself if you do and I sure as hell know Gabby wouldn't want you to. You need to do something about your grief, Casey. Talk to the Chaplain, he'll be eager to help you. When Shay died, that's who Gabby turned to."

There was a silence for a few seconds, and for a moment, Boden thought that possibly his words had gotten through. But of course, they hadn't. "Chief, I said I'm fine. And I am. Yeah, sometimes I have bad nights, like tonight. But I'm passed it, I promise," Matt tries to convince him, throwing his hands up, turning on his heels before heading out of the bathroom. He brushes past Cruz, who had no doubt been listening, but he doesn't find the time to be angry about it.

* * *

_We laughed at the darkness_

_So scared that we lost it_

_We stood on the ceilings_

_You showed me love was all you needed_

"Ah, fuck," Antonio grumbles, wincing as he downs another shot of fireball. "It's been five months without my sister, and shit, this stuff is strong." Matt nods in agreement, shuddering at the strong alcohol. "You know what I'm tired of, man?"

"What are you tired of, Antonio?" Matt wonders, turning towards him.

"Everybody asking how I am or telling me to talk to somebody. Do they not know I'm a grown ass man who can take care of myself?"

"I feel you," Matt agrees, pointing at the other man while nodding. "Boden gave me a big speech about it last night on shift," he adds with a grumble and roll of his eyes.

"Ah, shit. Voight either talks to me about it every other day or gives me that damn look of his that is speaking the exact same words. And then there's Erin who's all like, 'I understand your pain, Antonio. Talk to me.'"

"Exactly," Matt says, nodding. "Kelly keeps talking to me about his time grieving over Shay, and I'm like that's great and all man, but I'm sorry, it's not the same thing."

"Well, here's to not asking _each other_ how we're doing or giving each other pep talks." They raise their shot glasses together before downing them, each grimacing. "Otis, come on over here," Antonio calls after his recoil, waving him over.

Otis looks over at him a bit unsure, not knowing what he'd have in store tonight. He walks over anyway, knowing it'd be better than ignoring him and having Antonio yell across the bar even louder.

"I'm worried for you and Herrmann, man," he says once he's in earshot.

"Yeah? Why's that, Antonio?" Otis sighs as he rests his arms on the bar and leans over. This definitely wasn't the first time the two had come into Molly's to get drunk, and tonight wouldn't be the first time for them to be cut off before eleven.

"Shay was part owner of Molly's, yeah? So was Gabby. They're both dead. Molly's owners are cursed, Otis."

"Antonio…," Otis trails off, shaking his head sadly.

"No, Otis, don't give me that look. I'm not kidding," Antonio says, while Matt nods beside him in agreeance. A guy down the bar calls for another beer, and Otis gives the two of them a somber look before tending to the other guy.

Antonio shrugs as he looks at Matt. "He didn't believe me, man."

"His problem, not yours," Matt points out drunkenly, patting Antonio's back.

"True," Antonio agrees with another shrug before they sit in a comfortable silence. Their minds automatically begin to picture life when Gabby was still around and imagine what it would be like if she still were, and they're suddenly glad for the alcohol numbing their pain. But it doesn't stop Matt from getting the chills when he realizes everything happened on the other side of the damn wall.

"She was pregnant," Matt blurts out after awhile with a swallow of his beer. He isn't sure why he said it. Maybe it was because it had been bottled up for so long and eating him alive or maybe it was because he was well past the point of drunk, but he had said it and he was surprisingly relieved at the fact it was out there for at least somebody to know besides Kelly and Herrmann. Antonio just turns towards him in confusion, waiting for more. "We had found out two weeks before, confirmed it with the doctor a few days later. We weren't really trying for another baby, but it happened and we were ecstatic, of course." He shakes his head, a somber sigh leaving his lips. "She was...pregnant. We were going to have another baby." God, the words coming out of his mouth tasted worse than the beer he was drinking and he felt his eyes beginning to water.

"Shit," Antonio mutters, shaking his head as he feels his chest tighten. "I'm sorry, man." He claps Matt's shoulder as the other man nods, needing more alcohol in his system. They both order another round of shots, proceed to get more drunk than they currently were, before being called off by Otis not much later.

They both wished for their pain to stop, but neither of them wanted to move on from the one of the most important person in their lives.

_Heaven couldn't wait for you_

_Heaven couldn't wait for you_

_Heaven couldn't wait for you_

* * *

It was in his mind again, and he couldn't get it out. It was three in the morning, he was at home, and he could vaguely hear the steady breathing of his daughter sleeping next to him. He tried rubbing his eyes, hoping it would erase the image, but it didn't work. It kept flashing in his head, and his heart rate escalated, as if he was reliving it all over again. He turned towards Eliza, smiling a little at her peaceful form and slightly parted lips, finding comfort in his daughter even if it was only for a split second. But those dark curls reminded him of Gabby, and before he could do anything about it, he was brought back to the moment everything went to hell.

* * *

"_What's so amusing, Matthew?," Gabby asks, a teasing tone in her words as a small smile crept onto her face, matching his. She leans over the bar, her arms resting on the wood as her eyes focused on his. It took everything in him to look in hers as well, not further down south where that tight black top she was wearing was tempting him more than he'd ever admit. _

"_Who says I'm amused?," he wonders, his smile widening slightly as he takes a swig of his beer. She just raises her eyebrows, and he surrenders immediately, knowing there'd be no use in arguing since she could read him so well. "Okay fine," he sighs as he puts down his bottle again. "I just...I can't wait until we have another kid. You're such a great mother with Eliza and just knowing I'll be able to see more of you being a mom makes me happy."_

_She smiles, leaning over to meet his lips with hers. "Trust me," she says softly, taking his hand. "That goes both ways."_

"_You can't wait to see me be a mother?," he teases, a grin coming to his face before she picks up the dish towel from beside her and teasingly throws it at him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he chuckles, tossing it back at her. "I know what you mean. What do you think we'll have this time?," he muses aloud, his thumb making mindless patterns on her palm as he smiles fondly._

"_Hmm," she thinks, pursing her lips together as her mind imagines either another girl or boy in the family. "I think it'll be another girl. And she'll have your eyes and she'll be best friends with Eliza and all of us girls are going to be spoiled by you."_

"_Obviously," he says matter-of-factly, smiling as a light giggle comes from Gabby. "But I actually think we'll have a boy. And Eliza will be super protective of her little brother and we'll name him after Darden and he'll have your stubbornness and passion and we're going to be that annoying couple in the stands at his hockey games, just like we talked about."_

_She smiles as she envisions a miniature Matt, a young kid with his blonde hair and blue eyes running around the firehouse. "No matter what we have, I'm excited," she murmurs happily, kissing him softly again. _

"_Oh, definitely," he agrees, nodding. "How do you think Eliza is doing at your parents' house for the weekend?" He smirks as she rolls her eyes at the question. _

"_I talked to my mom earlier and she said she was receiving a lot of candy and going to bed later than usual, so if that gives any indication, I'd say our little girl is having a good time. I miss her, though. It's our first time without her for more than one day."_

"_Yeah, I miss her too," he agrees sadly. "But, we pick her up again tomorrow morning and we'll have breakfast and go to the park, whatever you two want to do."_

"_You're too good to us, Matthew Casey," she murmurs with a fond shake of her head, leaning over once more to give him another kiss. This one was unlike the others, it was soft but held fiery passion behind it, and as a few seconds went on, they wished they were anywhere but in Molly's. _

"_Hey, you two!," Cruz called, stumbling towards their spot with a beer in hand, obviously buzzed, if not already drunk. "Would ya stop? You don't have to rub your perfect little romance in front of us ya know!"_

"_Yeah!," Kelly agrees, following Cruz with an even worse stumble, leaning on the bigger man for support. "Just go home if you're gonna do that shit!" _

"_Alright, alright," Gabby chuckles as she stands up straight, holding up her hands in surrender. Matt follows her hand longingly with a groan, silently cursing his drunken friends for interrupting. Of course, they were bound to get interrupted anyway considering they were in a crowded bar, but he cherished every second his lips were on hers. "I need to go take out the garbage anyway."_

"_Good!," Kelly yells, sitting on the barstool next to his blonde friend. "Hey, Case, you gotta get me a girl, man."_

"_For the night or forever, Sev?," he questions, raising his eyebrows. _

"_Let me think about that, actually," Kelly answers, nodding as he takes another swig of his beer. He realizes it was practically gone, so he takes Cruz's, erupting a small argument between the two. _

_Rolling his eyes and leaving them be, Matt gets an idea as he stands up. He pats Cruz's shoulder as he walks by, finding their bicker amusing before walking towards the back door. He opens it, already smirking when he's met with the warm Chicago air. He rounds the corner to the alley, expecting to find his wife putting the garbage in the dumpster and getting ready to surprise her with a cheesy, teen-like make-out session against the wall. _

_That wasn't at all what he was met with. And that suddenly became the last thing on his mind._

_He takes a sharp breath as he freezes in his place, his heart rate instantly increasing. _

"_There he is, perfect," a voice says, and Matt swallows as he recognizes it almost immediately. _

"_What the hell are you doing here, Ethan?" His voice is cold and hard as he takes a few steps closer to the scene, his eyes darting between the gun in his hands and what it was pointing at. He picks out a silencer on the gun, and his heart rate increases even more as he feels his fingers group together in a fist, stepping closer. Ethan had been apart of Jack's business, but hadn't been charged with much when all came falling down for them. Matt quickly put together everything and figured he was seeking revenge for Jack who was still in prison. _

"_Got out on good behaviour and overcrowding," Ethan smirks, ignoring Matt's advancements. He felt invincible. He was the one with the gun, after all. And it wasn't his wife shaking violently with fear on the other end of the barrel, it was Matt's. He figured he'd try to get Gabby out of the way before coming after him. And he was okay with that, he wouldn't mind killing both. _

"_So what are you doing, huh Ethan? What's the plan?," Matt wondered, getting closer and closer with each small step. He was trying to distract him, postpone whatever it was that Ethan wanted to do so he could hatch up his own plan. _

"_Well, you took away my girls, didn't ya Casey?," Ethan starts, smirking. "I plan to take away yours, too. After I finish with your wife, and now you since you got yourself in the middle of this shit again, I'll hunt down that little bitch daughter of yours. I'll tell her I killed the both of you, hell, maybe I'll even take pictures to show her your bodies. And I'm gonna tell her it's all daddy's fault before I kill her too." _

"_Do not touch her," Gabby says, speaking up for the first time with a demanding tone in her voice. Her shaking body showed she was nervous, but her voice showed she was anything but. _

"_Oh, darling, you won't have to worry, you'll be dead in just a moment," Ethan says with a sly smile on his face. Matt's anger only boiled more with each second, and he wanted to do nothing more than charge at him and wipe off that damn grin. But he tried to stay realistic, he tried to carefully plan out something that would save both of them. But nothing came to mind. _

_They were defenseless and his wife was two inches away from the barrel of the gun. Even Gabby knew her fate._

"_Matt, I need you-" She begins, her voice cracking and tears spilling down her cheeks._

"_Gabby, we'll get out of this," he says confidently, although he actually felt nothing but. He didn't want to believe what was happening. It couldn't be. He continued his steps forward, now only a few feet away from Gabby._

"_Matt, promise me you'll save yourself and Eliza. Promise me-"_

"_Awh isn't this cute," Ethan interrupts, a cold-hearted chuckle coming from his lips. "Go on, though, please. This is amusing." Gabby ignores him, focused on saying what she felt needed to be said, for her own state of mind. _

"_Promise me that you will tell her how we met, and how you used to make me laugh," she continues, starting to become as calm as she could possibly be. She didn't want to be scared when it happened, she didn't want her words to be broken up by sobs. She needed him to know these things. _

"_Gabby-" Matt tries, his heart aching and he swear he can feel it literally break in his chest with her words. His eyes are tearing up and he knows some are making their way down his face, but wiping them away was the last thing on his mind. _

"_I want her to believe in love because it is the most important thing," she goes on, the reality settling in now as she swallows hard, soft cries emitting from her throat. "But you need to show her, Matt. Promise me."_

_He hesitates, not wanting to make such a promise that involves anything like moving on from her. His lip quivers, begging for somebody to walk around the corner and see what was happening. He's seen bigger miracles, and he's hoping one would happen right now. _

"_Matt," Gabby urges, and he knows he needs to do it if it's her last wish. _

"_I promise," he says, nodding, even though her back was to him and she couldn't see it. He was waiting to wake up from a nightmare, that this was all in his head and just another bad dream produced from his time with Jack. He watches as Ethan takes a dreaded small step closer to Gabby, the barrel now pushing up against her skin. _

_He moves the barrel slowly to her chest, and Matt charges as one last hope. He takes Ethan by surprise and he knows he makes some sort of contact with the gun when he feels the metal, but he realizes he had done nothing but take off the silencer. Two loud shots ring out in the dark alley, and Matt hears the thump of a body hit the ground. _

_He knows that if he wants to save him and his daughter's life he has to keep fighting for now, and there was no way he was going to let this bastard win. He knocks Ethan down and he hears the gun hit the pavement and slide off, so there was nothing but fists. Matt had the advantage as he was on top and began punching the side of his face, unleashing his anger and pain. _

_Suddenly finding himself in defensive mode, Ethan kicks Matt off of him and Matt rolls over on the ground, clutching his stomach where he had been hit. They both crawl up onto their feet, and Matt instantly charges again, pushing him up against the wall. He gives him another punch before slamming his head against the cement surface, a loud grunt coming from Ethan. He does it once more, knowing if he kept doing it, it could kill him. _

_Ethan, knowing the severity of his actions, raises up his knee and slams it into Matt's gut, a grunt coming from him this time before Ethan does it again. Matt stumbles and Ethan takes the opportunity to kick him one more time, putting him on the ground. Matt groans as he lifts himself onto all fours, trying to find the strength to stand up when Ethan decides to just kick him in the stomach again, causing Matt to collapse with a painful grunt._

_Ethan moves towards the dumpster, where an empty clay flower pot sat atop of. Ethan quickly grabs for it as Matt tries to hurriedly stand up again, but doesn't move quickly enough. Ethan charges and slams the pot on top of Matt's head, shattering the object and making him groan again in pain as he finds himself on the ground another time. _

"_Damn Matt, looks like you had to choose the hard way, huh?," Ethan snickers, shaking his head as he wipes the blood off of his nose. Matt lifts his head up just enough to see what looked like a broken piece of metal pipe. He crawls towards it as Ethan continues to ramble, looking around for his gun. "You know, I'm surprised nobody heard those shots though. Must be the bar has good business tonight, yeah?" He chuckles again as he finds his gun, about to lean down and pick it up when Matt slams the broken pipe into his back, causing him to scream out in pain and fall onto the cement. Matt takes the quick advantage and flips him around, punching him again, over and over, this time Ethan too weak to do anything about it. _

"_Shit," Ethan groans, holding up his arms as much he could. "You got me," he says with heavy breaths. "I surrender." Matt wasn't having any of his shit. He couldn't care less if he wanted it to be over. He knew his wife's body lay only a few feet away, and there was no way this bastard was getting out of this alley alive. So he kept punching, and punching, so much that he knew his knuckles were no doubt bleeding and maybe his hand had been broken at that point, but he didn't care. All of his rage and pain were behind each punch and he could've gone on forever if Herrmann hadn't found them. _

"_What the hell is going on back here?," He yelled, walking towards the scene, not knowing what had happened in the dark until he got close to Gabby's body. "Oh shit, no no no, shit." He repeated it as he rushed towards Matt, pulling him off of Ethan. "Casey, stop! He's dead! It's over! You got 'em!" Herrmann took a long look at the guy to make sure, and gripped onto Matt's arms when he was positive. Matt was shaking, sobs wracking his body as he went through what just happened. He was living in some nightmare, he knew. There was no way this could have happened to them. To Gabby. To their unborn child. It just couldn't be. Herrmann glanced at Gabby's body as he held onto Matt's shoulders, his mind trying to wrap around the scene and what he had found. _

_Matt rose out of Herrmann's grasp and moved towards Gabby's body, his bloodied fingers trying to find a pulse. When there was none, he held her to his chest, crying into her shoulder with everything he had. His hand wrapped around her back while his other stroked her hair, holding her as close as he possibly could as sobs shook his body. "I'm so sorry Gabby, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything." The limpness of her body felt as foreign as anything possibly could to him, and he didn't know how to handle it. Instead he just held her for as long as possible, wishing he could go back in time. _

* * *

He hadn't wanted to go to sleep that night only because he never wanted to wake up and face a day without her. He never wanted to not wake up with her, he never wanted to realize all over again what had happened.

But now, he closes his eyes, and sometimes instead of the nightmares, he sees her alive and radiant. His hand is in hers, and the pain is no longer there. All is right.

Every night, his heart calls out for her. The quietest nights is when it's the loudest, he knows. And every day, with every breath he takes, he chants her name. It's as if he's writing an endless ballad to her glory.

He'll never forget the way she made him feel like the sun would never fade and he'll never forget the stardust in her eyes or the sound of her contagious laughter.

When it's his time to go, he knows, she'll be standing there with open arms and he'll find his home all over again.

On some nights, he has the greatest dreams he's ever had. She's in all of them. And each time, he has never been ready to wake up. He has never been ready to see the world in black and white again because in his dreams, with her, the world is full of sun and vibrant colors.

He thanks the world for letting their souls intertwine. He thanks the world for allowing their hearts to beat as one. He knows wherever she is right now, she is smiling and the sound of her laughter is ringing through his ears.

He loves her. He'll never stop loving her. He thinks about her every day and he will for the rest of his life. She'll always be in his his breaths, his heartbeats, his prayers. He still doesn't know how to imagine her in the past tense. He doesn't know how to imagine _them_ in the past tense. He isn't sure if he ever will. But he had made a promise that night.

He has to move on. It won't be anytime soon, he knows, but he promised to her that he'd show Eliza what love is and how important it is. And one day, he will.

_Heaven couldn't wait for you_

_No Heaven couldn't wait for you, no_

_So go on, go home_

**So? What do you think, guys? You may want to kill me, I don't know. But please tell me your honest opinions, I LOVE to see what you guys write. **

**Once again, thank you all SO much for reading this and I hope you've enjoyed (except for this last chapter) what I've written! I hope I think of more ideas so I can write more one-shots!**


End file.
